A seed of doubt

Where to start this one…

A simple question came to me this morning while spending time with the Lord.

Is there any area of your life where you have struggled with doubt?

If I had been asked that question 2+ years ago I would’ve listed a bunch of areas and thought, “Yup, lots of places where things probably won’t change.”

The very first deception sown into the mind of man was in the form of a question. Satan came to Eve with a question because a question demands a response; rather than a statement which you can ponder on or decide what to take from it that you like. Satan asks Eve, “Did God really say that?” His focus was to get Eve to question if God had been purposely withholding good from her. He wanted to plant that seed of doubt in her mind.

Satan himself is a doubter. It all began with him when he doubted God’s goodness and instead took on the quest to ascend.

So this morning when I asked myself if I struggle with doubt in any area of my life, I was taken directly to that place of doubt I’ve been having. And this time instead of blowing it off and saying something like…”It is what it is,” I was confronted with truth that that seed, or really at this point a plant of doubt, was really from the enemy and not from the Lord. I had been doubting the Lord’s goodness in that situation.

So I ask you. Are there areas of your life where you struggle with doubt?

Interrogate them. Bring them before the Lord, and allow him to speak truth into them!

“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and he will do it.” Psalm 37:5

Thought provoking questions…

This question has been stirring in me the last few days. I’ve thought about it before but it’s really been on my mind lately.

Why did God make children to be so playful. Think about it. Children LOVE to play. They live and breathe playtime. It nourishes them, challenges them, inspires them…the list goes on. So as I’m pondering this question I’m wondering what God’s purpose was for that. What is the reason for God’s design in children to be so playful?

Have you ever seen a child, perhaps your own, be in a bad mood and as soon as you get a new toy or a ball in front of them they light up? Especially if you engage and play with them! They love to play with others. Like, I want to be that playful. Maybe you’re like me and you don’t even remember the time in your life when you were as playful as a child. Or maybe you aren’t and you’re like “hey, I still feel like a child most days!” If that’s the case then why do you think some adults can still be playful like a child and some can’t?

Something that’s obvious to me is that children don’t have problems with trust and worry. Generally speaking that is.

Children generally don’t think “oh man when am I going to have my next meal,” or “Am I going to have enough money to even purchase my next meal.” They definitely don’t usually think, “Do my parents love me?” “Can I trust my mom or dad to feed me or to clothe me?” In a healthy circumstance, these aren’t thoughts that consume a child. Therefore they are able to just be a kid! They’re able to play without a care in the world.

Think about the game hide and seek. Kids LOVE that game. It’s funny because as a little one or two year old their length of time hiding is average about two seconds, if that. And we laugh about it and begin to teach them that to play the game well you have to be quiet and still, keeping yourself out of sight, until they begin to stay hidden for longer times. But here’s the thing. Kids love to play hide and seek because they love to be found! The highlight of the game is when they are found. Their face brightens up to pure joy. In fact, you can probably picture your child doing that right now as you read this. If we never taught them how to hide better, they’d probably still be “lousy” hiders.

There’s something to truth here though.

The more we grow up, the better we become at hiding. We hide from our sin, we hide from pain, we hide from the Lord, and we hide from others. Heck we even hide from ourselves. We know that sin separates us from our Heavenly Father but it’s the enemy that brings shame which causes us to hide. The Lord would want us to be like kids and desire to be found—even after doing wrong.

I just can’t help but wonder if God’s design in children to be playful and also desiring to be found was actually meant to be the same design in an adult. Why would he want it for a child but then not for an adult.

There are so many things in life we can learn from our children. Or better yet unlearn.

Grain of sand

Ever feel like you don’t matter much?

Ever feel like you are as small as a grain of sand? So small that no one would even recognize. I mean even so small how could the Lord recognize you amongst the billions of people on this earth?

Truth is, we are small compared to those things. But, is that really how the Lord sees us? Are we each a speck of dust in this world?

I recently had a discovery that the Lord brought to me about his creation. More specifically about the earth that he created, and some things were brought to light along with that.

You see, I believe the enemy would want us to feel that we are just a grain of sand and that God really is so far away because look! We have all these “planets” and “deep space” and a bazillion (too hard to count) miles and miles of “galaxies” left to discover. It’s no wonder we can look out and say, “God where are you?” “You’re so far!”

Is he really though?

I believe the Lord is SO much closer than we realize. I believe the sun and the moon are much much closer than we’ve been taught. I believe all of his creation (recorded in Genesis) was created foolproof. Nothing, and I mean nothing or no one can out-wit his design.

And also, I believe the spiritual and physical realms are so much closer than we may have thought. The Lord IS near and Heaven is near.

Highs and Lows

hhhhhHHHH….HHHHHhhhhhhh

Another day. Husband away at work. Kiddos at play. Another “Mommy, will you play with us?” “Mommy, this is my house and my airplane.” “Mommy, I can’t find my blue truck.”

Another day of hearing a hurt, struggled heart of a dear sister. Another day of built up dishes and laundry. Another day of fatigue, another day of what feels like solo parenting.

Another day that feels like the world is sometimes on your shoulders.

Lord, I see you. I see your heart for those hurting. I see the unimaginable healing power. My heart aches like yours. I’ve experienced you more than comprehension. I’ve experienced supernatural, and I’ve been sprinting to “keep up with you.” Funny…as I forgot there for a bit that I am human and am limited this side of Heaven.

And while struggling with feeling like a failure…today, you sought me. While my heart was overwhelmed by all the hurt and all the pain around me that it felt impossible to reach them all, you ministered to me.

I had forgotten like I tend to do, the need I had for your tender, loving father-like care who picks me up, lets me curl up in your lap and just be with me. No longer wondering if you have enough to be all I need plus all everyone else needs. You are boundless. You are un-comprehendible. Thank you for filling me with exactly what I needed.

You are there in the highs. You are there in the lows. You are with me through it all. You don’t love me because of what I do. You’re too good to let me go.

Father, may I reflect you.

Innocent

I’ve never been one to make New Years resolutions, or at least ever bought into the idea. And then the “one word for the year” thing came around and that too in my mind was like another new year’s resolution because it probably wouldn’t stick with me and like all the other resolutions, would be forgotten about after the first month. So I wasn’t going to do that either this year. But then while sitting in church a few days ago and while our new lead pastor began to speak about the church’s word for the year, “rooted”, it suddenly came to me. It was the Holy Spirit giving me a word because this word had great depth to it. It is a word that came to me just a short month ago and I think it might be the most powerful one in my life yet. That word is innocent.

This is not a word you hear all too often in our world. I mean how could we, the word itself means: free from moral wrong; without sin; pure.

Everywhere we look in our world, everything has been tainted by sin. Death..violence…corruption, nothing is pure anymore.

We might look at a new baby and say that they are the closest to being pure and innocent. They are fresh out of the womb and haven’t had a chance to purposely act out in any way. and so we view them as something innocent.

So everywhere we look innocence isn’t there. It’s so barren that I think we are kind of used to the idea that it doesn’t exist or can’t ever be achieved this side of heaven. But is that what scripture really teaches us?

Let’s take a look at our first parents, Adam and Eve. They were the only ones to ever experience a life without sin, a life of purity, a life of innocence. They didn’t have shame when they looked at each other and the world around them. They didn’t compare themselves to anyone or anything because they knew exactly who they were created to be and had complete unity with the Father. But that unity was broken when sin entered in. Shame came with it and they were suddenly afraid of being naked. They already knew they were naked the whole time, but now there was shame wrapped up in the nakedness. Their innocence was taken because of sin.

And so from then on sin has taken away our innocence. Can we ever get it back? You better believe we can!

I’ll share what God has shown me lately through this word innocence in my next blog post!

Stay Tuned. 🐨

Until then, do you have a word for this year? What is it and why did you choose it? Comment below!

Time doesn’t heal wounds…

Time doesn’t heal wounds, but once upon a time I would’ve said that and believed it.

Tonight, this Christmas night of 2021, I am slightly at a loss for words. I’ve had all the emotions of today. The joy, the thankfulness, the stress, and now broken heartedness. Kind of sounds funny thinking about it.

When I reflect on Jesus coming to this Earth 2,000 years ago, I can’t help but think about why he came. I can’t help but hear his tone of urgency in the words he spoke. Each encounter has a sense of importance that compels us to act now. There is just as much of an urgency to make disciples as there is to forgive one another. There is just as much of an urgency to serve as there is to love. The common denominator of them all is that time is short.

There simply isn’t time for waiting. Waiting for someone else to act..to make the first move. There isn’t time to not bear one another’s burdens, nor confess our sins to one another. There isn’t time for resentment and concealing our wounds. Seriously, there just isn’t time. His kingdom is coming. His kingdom is why Jesus came and his kingdom is for everyone. But because the enemy has been at work in deceiving since the beginning, not everyone will get a chance to experience his kingdom. But guess what?! We have the power to change that. On our own? Absolutely not. However, like the apostle John says in 1 John 4:16, “We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us.” ––that same love when applied here; “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” (John 13:34-35) —is the powerful work of the Holy Spirit. Jesus displayed what it looked like to know and believe the love of the Father and to then use that same love to show towards each and every one of us. He’s actively doing it and the Holy Spirit is revealing it.

Sister, brother, friend… don’t wait for “that time.” Humble yourself, pray and seek His face and turn from your wicked ways. Confess your sins to one another so you may be healed.

Time does not heal wounds, but Jesus does. It’s by his wounds that we are healed.

He’s willing and he’s ready. Are you?

It’s time!

I am learning more and more…

I am learning more and more these last few years that being a disciple of Christ looks more and more like releasing than taking on.

We humans are so good at self protecting. We’ve learned somewhere along the way that we must protect ourselves at all costs. Somewhere along the way, we didn’t see anyone else in our lives able to protect us so we learned little by little how to protect ourselves, until as an adult we become master artists at it.

Parallel to this while growing up, I learned about God. I learned scripture, I learned all the things to do to be a good “disciple.” Pray, read your Bible, go to church, listen to God‘s instructions in his word, do good. As obviously those are all good things, I actually began to notice that I had been doing it backwards. I was putting on things to try and be a better person—to do better. When that wasn’t going to bring true transformation.

The deep transformation in my life began to happen as God began to show me more and more ways that I had been self protecting myself. Where I had believed no one was going to protect and keep me safe…along with God. And so, I began to release them to him, and release, and release.

I looked around and realized that my life began to look more and more like the life of a free person than a life of a slave. I couldn’t believe how much I had actually had bound up inside through self protection.

And so, the more I released to him the more I actually put on. Putting on his truths, his ways, walking in His Spirit and taking on Jesus’ cross.

Who could’ve ever thought releasing and letting go more and more of yourself to Him could bring so much more addition to your life.

So much more freedom.

And now all I want to do is release more and more.

small, tiny size trust

Trust. What an incredibly simple but overwhelmingly profound word. The action of the word that is. because boy is it an action word. Like maybe if I just stare at the word long enough then it’ll happen. The action will take place if I just say the word over and over and over. I’ve been wrestling a bit with this action word “trust.” Which is funny because I would be the first to say that I trust God with everything and everyone in my life. I didn’t used to trust him though. As a matter of fact, I used to know very little about him, compared to today that is. I used to never be able to trust him with my husband, my kids, myself…

So this morning to hear the words, you don’t trust God was like… huh. 

I think it’s really easy to compartmentalize it. I mean, we are pros at compartmentalizing. It’s easy for us to say “ok God I 1000% trust you with __________ but with this hurt and this pain over here…yeah not sure if I can go there all the way with you. You see, I’ve been hurt by this over and over and over and over and I just have no hope anymore so I’m just going to throw it away and pretend I don’t need to face the trust issue on that.”

The last few days I have been struggling with trusting God in this one area. Because frankly, it felt like last time he allowed me to be hurt and I had felt mistreated. It was a very painful experience for me and I didn’t want to be hurt again so I had my guard up. I was in self protection mode. And when you’re in self protection mode, you shut everyone out and rely on yourself. You quit hearing the Spirit’s voice and you think of all the ways to control the situation. Anxiety floods in and all you do is worry. At least that’s exactly what I do!

You see, my husband and I suffered a miscarriage about 8 months ago. I struggled thinking God didn’t protect me from the pain like I thought he should. Like it was his fault. He allowed this to happen and so it’s his fault.

I was being tempted in my suffering.

I did heal from it but when we found out we were pregnant again, it was only a matter of time before the feelings came back and the fears flooded in. Could I trust God this time around? Quickly I started to believe I couldn’t. I couldn’t trust God with this baby. With me. 

And so back to this morning, I heard the words “you don’t trust God.” and for some reason when I heard these words apart from the current reason for lack of trust, I began to acknowledge that I really didn’t trust him. And that cut deep. It’s God almighty we are talking about! He has never ever ever let me fall, has always always taken care of me and has continued time and time again to be faithful. The God who rescued me from darkness and brought me into the light through his son. Who hides me and lets me rest in the shelter of his wings. Who sets my feet on solid ground. Who created the sun and moon that rises and sets every. single. day. I am insane to not trust him. 

It took God separating the truth of not trusting him from my reason for not, to get me to see. It took reminding me of who he is and how trustworthy he has always been to realize, THIS is nothing bigger than the rest of those things. It may feel bigger to me, but to God there is no bigger and smaller. 

Is there something you don’t trust God with? Or Someone? Is it too big to trust him with? To God nothing is too big or small. If that’s the case then, the small things you feel like you can trust him with are no different than the big things.  Not to him anyways! Do you want to see God move powerfully in your life? Trust him with your big things. He wants to show you his power. Our small, tiny size trust will only see small tiny size God. 

lord of the rings

one who’s life has been saved has an entirely new outlook on life. one who fathoms the weight of the sacrifice made on your behalf has new meaning to life. today I am broken. actually I’ve been broken for awhile now. broken because not everyone knows how priceless they are. broken because the enemy has a veil over precious people. how do you pour out what’s in your heart into the words you type? if only. if only all could just know. just experience the value they hold. the value that isn’t dependent on how talented they are. the value that has absolutely nothing to do with what you can achieve or what you can’t achieve. those…those are just distractions. distractions from a real enemy who hates your guts. well, really he hates God’s guts but since you are God’s prized possession, you are a perfect pawn used to show complete unfathomable hatred. what’s even particularly interesting is the enemy’s sly deceit. he will get you chasing achievements after achievements in this world. running around with a chicken with his head cut off. errr sheep without a shepherd. confused. they don’t know who their shepherd is so they hear any ole voice (enemy’s) and they follow. and the worst part about it, he gets you thinking life is so rosy and comfy over here, this must be where I need to be. like virtual goggles on. completely unaware of the darkness surrounding you. it’s nasty. but you’re right where the enemy wants you. confused. in a facade. disarmed. and completely ineffective. people…souls, are dying all around you and you are over here wearing virtual goggles oblivious to it. it’s not just a bad feeling you get, or a negative vibe. it’s real and HE is real. the battle is not against your family member you can’t stand, a friend who hurt you, or a neighbor who stole two feet of your property line. those are simply and only distractions. to keep you focused OFF the real battle–the real enemy. he’s pretty stinkin’ good at distractions too.

but guess what? when you see it, you see it. when you know it, you know it. and it burns the fiery pits off you. and THEN, you gather an army and fight back like hell. this imagination makes me think of a battlefield. lord of the rings. all the way til the end and its all or nothing and you’ve been beaten down and shoved too many times to count but this…this is it. because, IT IS WORTH IT. knowing the stake at which you are fighting for. this however doesn’t look like a battlefield for us. it looks like prayer. it looks like seeking the Father’s face. did I already say prayer? it looks like prayer. they’re two things the enemy does all the criminal acts against. if he can keep you from those two things, boom. a perfect pawn to be used for his own depravity. out of the game. focused on all the fictitious enemies.

but Jesus. but Jesus. winning every game. winning every battle. he won it all. he is the wild card you pull out every. single. time. because…the demons obey him. in him is truth and in him is victory. victory over the enemy. I used to think the victory was only after this life. boy was I wrong. the victory is also IN THIS WORLD. but it only comes by seeking the Father’s face and praying heaven on earth.

believe friend. believe. believe you are worth it. you are worth dying for. believe the battle is real. believe you ARE victorious. because HE is victorious.

and lastly. pray brother. seek his face and pray.

“then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves (obey) and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” 2 chronicles 7:14.

Brother, sister, friend

Brother, sister, friend…more than ever, the time is now.

The time is now to do what you were created to do. To live how you were created to live.

The time isn’t next week, next month or next year. The time is now.

To wake up from the slumber. To get back in the driver seat.

To walk. To run. To act.

Friend, this is the time to await, to endure, to stand fast, and to continue without change. This is the time to abide. Not just to abide in your marriage, your family and relationships or your country, but to abide in His Word.

Now is the time to make the time to hear His Word, to read His Word, to study His Word, to memorize His Word, and to meditate on His Word.

It’s time to stop waiting for someone else to act or for something else to happen. You need this and so do I. In fact, we need each other. The world has been living in sin for over 6,000 years now. Yet the world has still survived. And one thing that we have always had is each other. I need you to build me up and you need me to build you up. It takes us together to live faithful and truthful lives.

So abide.

John 8:31 says, “If you abide in My Word, then you are truly disciples of mine; and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

This is how you know the truth. This is how you know how to live and navigate this life.

This isn’t like your commitment to the gym or your commitment to your employer. This is commitment like your life depends on it. This is commitment like your friend and family’s life depends on it.

You cannot say you know God if you do not abide in His Word. Because that is where He is found. That is where Truth is found. That is where JESUS is found.

“…and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” “So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.”

You will know the Truth and the Truth will make you free.

So friend, family, brother and sister, I ask you, are you abiding in His Word? Are you living with it and in it? I encourage you in that. Reach out to someone in your life who can encourage you in that. And if you have no one, please reach out to me.

Because, we need to be abiding in Scripture and we need to be sharpening each other in that.

The time is now!

I love you 🤗